Tag Archives: fat

Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement…


So that pretty much sums it up.

Marriage in 74 days.

This is written on our refrigerator white board, Hubby-to-Be started the countdown this past weekend (which I’m not going to lie, is one of the cutest things EVER. He came into the bedroom and demanded I look at the fridge and was so proud of himself.)

It has me in a minor panic.

When you get engaged a good two and a half years before you’re planning on actually tying the knot, it definitely seems like forever away from the day. And when you pick the venue and the flowers, DJ and photographer about two months after getting engaged, and more than a year and a half away from getting away, you feel like you have all this time.

And then it’s less than three months away and you realize it’s probably a good idea to pretend this is happening and get your shit together.

Luckily, although we are getting married in New York and are living in Florida, (and planning a wedding at home is just insane), we have a lot of great support at home and they are amazing.

But I’m still on the verge of a panic attack. (Well, not every day. But I can see to some extent why the Bridezilla nonsense happens).

It only occurred to me like three days ago I should probably figure out if the people I wanted to do my hair and makeup were available and willing. Luckily, they are. (Thank GOD!)

I still haven’t managed to figure out any of the music stuff. What do you play in the church? And sitting down and listing out all the stuff for the DJ… ugh, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. (This is coming from the bride that took three separate visits in order to register at Bed Bath & Beyond. The whole idea of asking for people to give you things was bizarre to me, even though it’s the norm. I was totally overwhelmed by the gadget wall and refused to do it until the last trip. I also didn’t want the consultants following me around because I felt pressured at first… like seriously? I clearly have issues. I did let them come, though, in the end they were helpful. Although I had to make a point of telling them to stop trying to get me to select bread makers and ice cream makers and the makers of all the random things I decided I would never make. They kept telling me I was the weirdest bride they’d ever worked with because usually they are more excited, and here I am, trying not to hyperventilate).

(hmmm, maybe I should have asked for the ice cream maker. I also never thought I’d be making jewelry and crafting, so who knows.)

And then the bridal store didn’t want to do Saturday fittings. Seriously? Tell me, are they under the impression the magical wedding fairy is paying for all this? Do they not realize people work? Also, I am 1200 miles away and we bought 13 dresses from you. Figure it out! You knew six months before my initial consultation I live out of state! (That advance notice was probably excessive. It’s the producer in me.)

And once I managed to get them to bring someone in for a Saturday fitting, now I worry that the dress won’t be altered appropriately. (I’m not tiny, but managed to shed a few pounds. Dress was originally sized for my bottom-heavy hips, and I’m smaller on top, and ugh.)

And everyone is always asking where our honeymoon is.

We don’t have one.

First, I’m taking off a week and a half just for the wedding because of the distance factor… so for a nice honeymoon, I’d be off for like 3 weeks… and let’s just say I like my job. (Although I must admit, they are really accommodating, that does seem a bit much. We’d rather spread our vacation out for a little reprieve later in the year).

And again… there’s no little honeymoon fairy. So we will just have something else to look forward to later in the year 🙂

I totally lost all momentum in this post. I forget where I was going here… SEE WHAT THIS DOES TO ME?!

I guess the key points are: Hubby-to-Be is being real cute about the wedding… Only 11.6 more pounds until my weight-loss goal (well… the attainable goal. What I originally wanted eventually became physically impossible without being sick)… planning an out-of-state wedding (not destination wedding, like full-blown Long Island-style deal)… and I clearly need to go to sleep.

Oh! That jewelry I mentioned? Like me on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/renengadejewelsshop

I like sparkly things and I put them together.

(Don’t judge, I just started.)

I JUST ALMOST WENT BRIDEZILLA ON MY LAPTOP, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW! This entire pointless post was just nearly deleted and I can. not. deal.

Anyone know why my laptop randomly selects things and deletes them and skips around while I type? I am going CRAZY! (well, crazier).


By the way… what movie is the title from? 🙂

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Popping the blog cherry

So, this is happening. I have officially started a blog, which is something you’re clearly aware of if you’re reading this. I don’t really know who I am yet as a blogger, and I am apparently technology-stupid because I can barely figure out how to navigate and use WordPress, but hey, baby steps, right?

I have only been seriously thinking about writing for about 5 days now, and of course, when I finally come up with a name I only semi-hate, I can’t think of anything to say.

So I will tell you a story.

Last week, I had my first appointment with an orthopedic doctor. If you don’t know, I was in a car accident about three months ago. I was extremely lucky; escaped with a couple of herniated discs and my life.

Anyway, the point of this visit was basically to have another opinion on what my chiropractor has been doing for treatment, check on the MRIs I had done, etc. etc. (I promise I’m not going to give you a play-by-play of the discs in my spine, hang with me here.)

When the doctor finally came in, and I do mean finally, she was about 45 minutes late, citing a traffic accident on the major highway nearby. I was already annoyed at this point; not only did I just come from the SAME PLACE as she did with no traffic OR accident, even if there had been… hello!?! I’m a journalist. I get alerts on these types of things! Just tell me your kid missed the bus or some other very real, understandable hang-up, I’m not completely unreasonable… just mostly.

So I’m already pissed off. Then she proceeds to basically tell me she isn’t all that concerned about my issues, speak to me as though I am said child that missed the bus, and just generally condescend to me, criticizing pretty much everything I say.

I was THIS close to telling her off… but then something totally unexpected happened.

Just after she has me bend this way and that, walk around, poke at me a bit, she tells me that if I strengthen my core, it will help my lower back.

For some reason, even though this is a completely legit statement and one I’ve heard before, because I’m already in a pissy mood, I’m defensive and immediately feel the need to justify my physical stature (which is pretty much short and somewhat round, I’ve been referred to as think, curvy, etc.). So I say, “Well, I know I don’t look like it, but I do work out… I swim along with an adult swim team and I take strength classes, you can’t see my muscle but it’s really there somewhere.” (Seriously, it is!!)

And that’s when it happens.

She stops. And she stares at me. And says matter-of-factly, “You’re not fat. I think you look strong. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and just because you don’t look like what you see on TV and magazines doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. So many people love you, that’s what really matters. Your body looks like it is supposed to, and if you keep working out, sure, it may change, but just keep doing what you’re doing. You need to stop.”

And then because I’m me, I start to cry.  (To be fair, I do cry over pretty much everything that elicits any kind of strong emotion. Mad, sad, happy, angry, frustrated… sigh.)

Which causes me to be even MORE annoyed, because I’m annoyed she has to go and say something pretty awesome when I was all intent on digging in my heels and disliking her.

The truth is… no one has ever said that to me before. I think in some ways, being told I looked strong, instead of pretty, or beautiful or anything else, was exactly what I needed to hear. Especially because she wasn’t the “tell-you-what-you-want-to-hear” type.

It made me think a little differently about some of my current goals in life. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I want to look better– even great– in that white dress I have to put on in T-minus 15 weeks. Yes, I want to reach my Weight Watchers goals.

But I don’t want any of it unless I look– and feel– strong.

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